Fiona Apple, the 30-second Rule, and the Power of Dwelling on the Positive
A few weeks ago, I came across a video of Fiona Apple on TikTok. This is by no means a rare occurrence, as I’ve always been quite fond of both she and her music, and am a frequent visitor on the Fiona Apple algorithm. But I haven’t stopped thinking about this video and its contents since, have forwarded it on to several friends, and it’s overall given me a new perspective, so I’d love to share it with you, too.
I’ve condensed what she said in the video below, but it’s really stuck with me. My anxious brain has always led me to be a bit of a cynic, and I have been consciously trying to embrace a more positive way of thinking because, you know, thoughts become things and all that jazz. I don’t believe a positive outlook or true happiness are things that just “happen”, I think it’s a matter of perspective, and a choice. Of course, in this world, it’s not always easy; but in my experience, the more I look for it (goodness and light), the more I find it. Most days, anyway.
You might already be familiar with my appreciation for “small joys” c/o my late friend, Halle, who kept a running list of everyday, mundane moments that helped her construct a life worth living. For the past few years, I’ve adopted that practice myself and it forces me to look for and assign meaning to tiny, beautiful things in everyday life. They’ll be different for everyone, but some of mine are: dogs walking outside with toys in their mouths, snail mail, seeing a nun in the wild, when a taxi driver rolls down their window to talk to another taxi driver (how do they all know each other?), banana in my coffee (you must try it), etc. Mostly they’re things that I’ll miss if I’m too stuck in my head, or waiting for some grand, revealing moment. Small yet significant. And this practice has–much to my surprise and delight–become almost automatic.
Anyways, all of this to say, simple and obvious as it may seem, there is value in dwelling in the positive, wherever you can find it.
Now over to Fiona:
“So, you know how our brains are not really made to remember positive experiences because that’s not really that important to survival? So evolutionarily, we were just, we evolved to remember scary situations and not remember not-scary situations. Because we don’t need to remember happy situations for our survival. Because if we get in danger again, feeling happy at a certain point in your life isn’t going to be a useful memory to have. Being in danger before and how we escape that danger is going to be a useful memory to have. So in these times, there’s this one little thing you can do to help your brain wire together to be more positive brain. And that is to just, anytime anything good happens, anything at all: your pizza tastes good, somebody gave you a hug, the trees look pretty in the sunlight. Anything. You just take at least thirty seconds to think about that and to really notice how you feel in your body when you let that good feeling absorb into you. You just take thirty seconds to dwell. You have to take time to dwell on positive things, otherwise your brain thinks it’s useless. But, apparently if you take 30 seconds, and you dwell on something positive, over time it will reform your brain. Every time you feel something good, dwell on it. Make it sink it. And let that make you a happier person.”
Love
Christina x